She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
