he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
