So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dear god my vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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