I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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