one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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