I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
