I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
