Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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