I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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