You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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