i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
