I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
