if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
