I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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