I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
