so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I skipped work to stalk him.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
