1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
