this beer tastes like vomit already
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
