member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
