I could make wine with my vomit
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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