Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
