oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
