At least make sure they are 18
Why
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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