Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
