I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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