Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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