i already hear my dad disowning me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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