My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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