dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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