New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
