6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
