your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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