I skipped work to stalk him.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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