Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
