Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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