That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
