Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
