I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
