1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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