So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
