Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I fill condoms, not promises.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
