Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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