So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
