I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
