someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
