Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
