apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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