We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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