she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
