this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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