I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
