need another drink. this is the easiest way
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
