How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
