What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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