She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
