Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
