Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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