That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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