please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
