Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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