Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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