god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
