You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I smell stomach acid.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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