question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
