Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
