Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
